So Season One went out with a bang, leaving all the poor lesbians watching in real time to bite their nails anxiously re: the future of Tibette and the general state of the crew. Oh cruel television seasons, how we suffered under thee before the arrival of our lord Netflix.
But I digress. In honour of all the people who cuddled their cats and cried in 2004, this is an unspoiled prediction post for Season 2 of The L Word. And these ain’t no vague predictions. They are SPECIFIC AS HELL. Please feel free to mock me in comments.
1. Dana will leave Terrible Tonya for Alice, realizing my lifelong dream (well, thirteen-week long dream, technically) of their coupledom.
2. But, they’ll have a surprisingly tumultuous relationship and decide before the end of the season that they’re better off as friends. (It pains me to type that.)
3. Shane will struggle with an addiction, possibly to alcohol, possibly to sex. It will leave her depressed and struggling to reach out to her friends, but she will bond with Tina.
4. Ivan will tell Kit he wants to transition, and it will make Kit uncomfortable. I love the cuteness they have as a couple and Ivan’s gender-bending identity, but it is a little too low-drama for this show. Would also be awesome to see a trans guy in the series!
5. Speaking of which… we’ll be introduced to a new character who is a trans girl! Come on, L Word. This is much more believable than Lisa the Lesbian Man.
6. Dana will adopt a cat and name it Mr. Piddles the Second. All will bow to Mr. Piddles the Second.
7. A sexy new recurring character will appear and she will be into BDSM. Probably as a domme.
8. Jenny starts to self-identify as a mermaid and wish to be referred as mer and merself. (This is just a joke, Tumblr! Jenny would obviously be more comfortable as a manatee.) Gene Fineman will sadly float out of the picture early in season two. But on a brighter note, so will Marina! GOODBYE FOREVER MARINAAAAA.
9. And finally – Bette and Tina will start living apart, Bette with Candace and Tina with a young man.
Whoo! I’m probably 0 for 9, but a girl can dream.
See you next time, folks!